Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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