Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
