remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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