i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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