this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
