just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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