She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
nutella sex= disaster
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
