just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
