I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
