After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize