pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
