Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
