Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
