No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
