this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize