Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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