lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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