mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize