I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
