There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
These tits shall not be calmed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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