Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
