The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
