It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
