So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize