One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
