I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Couch. On fire.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
