If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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