Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
