I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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