My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
