I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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