I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
