Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
