what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
