My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
