i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
