Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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