apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
