Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
