Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We need to rekindle our bromance
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
