who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
