Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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