new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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