I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
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