I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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