I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's always time for handjobs
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
