genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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