Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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