Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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