Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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