i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
