Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
time to smoke my breakfast
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
