I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
