he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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