Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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