it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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