He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
