Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
