mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
