Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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