why didn't you poke me back
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
