I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
