Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
