Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
