NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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