literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
