if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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