just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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