maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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