Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
