I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's always time for handjobs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
