Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
