Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
