New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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